It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
