Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
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Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
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His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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