Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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