Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
