We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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