I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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