I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
