his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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