I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
