I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
