lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
