He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
