Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
