Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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