I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
