**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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