i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
