he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
