I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Randomize
