Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
