just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
