can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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