I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
