Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
