Whod you bang
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
