I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
