My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
