where am i from again
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
