I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
