i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
