Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
