You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
