So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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