I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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