our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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