DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
