Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
