It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
