I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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