it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
