What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
