I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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