After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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