The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
