Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
