Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
