Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
