I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
