God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
