there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
