i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
