She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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