Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
