ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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