I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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