You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize