You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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