It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
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I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
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You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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