i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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