This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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