This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
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Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
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Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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