I feel like I'm in dance class right now
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
