physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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