did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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