We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
