For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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