Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I will be naked everywhere
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
