All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
