Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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