end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
