awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
