Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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