i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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