Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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