so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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