I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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